Nothing But the Truth

NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH

I had just finished loading up my truck for the weekly garbage run to the local dump. This Saturday there just so happened to be a wide array of refuse filling my truck bed. There was cardboard, a month’s worth of newspapers, normal household recyclables, a bag or two of trash, and a water hose that had not lived up to its hype. I opened the truck door, and my trusted canine friend, Slick, jumped into her normal spot in the passenger seat. She immediately stuck her head out the window in preparation of catching some breeze and smells along the way.

The local dump wasn’t truly what one would consider a dump, but more of a recycling collection point. Various dumpsters were arranged in a large drive thru semi-circle to segregate cardboard, newspaper, metal, furniture, electronics, and household recyclables. At the end of the semi-circle, there was one giant dumpster complete with a large compactor attached to it for “non-recyclable refuse.” Ninety-nine percent of the time it was full of large black garbage bags, so there was no telling what secrets were hiding inside of them.

As Slick and I pulled in, we soon made our stops at the cardboard bin, newspaper bin, household recyclable bin, and then the “non-recyclable refuse” bin. After dumping everything else, I grabbed the water hose from the truck bed and walked over to Mark, one of the supervising attendants. Mark was one of the friendliest, happiest gentlemen anyone could ever meet.

After we exchanged hellos, I held out the hose for him to take. “Mark, someone may want this.”

Holding it in his hands, he gazed down at it. “Does it leak?”

“No,” I responded, “it was advertised to expand during use and then retract after use for easy storage. The expansion and contraction worked, but the hose material makes the water flow so weak I cannot use it to water my flowers and shrubbery. You know how it is - it sounds and looks so great on TV, but then you get it home and it doesn’t live up to the billing.”

A big smile spread over his face. Pointing to the metal bin, he said, “Look over there. Do you see the mountain of metal handles and motors?”

“Yes.”

“Well, those are the latest and greatest lawn mowers that cut, mulch, and edge all at the same time.” He chuckled before adding, “Not! I remember seeing that commercial in early spring, and I assume everyone else did too. Now, when I saw it, I thought it sounded too good to be true. Based on that stock pile of revolutionary all-in-one mowing machines, I guess I was right. My parents always said, ‘If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.’” He looked down at the hose once more. “You know, there ought to be a law against false advertising.”

“There is,” I said, nodding my head, “but I’m thinking a portion of what they said is accurate. I bet they’re guilty of omission instead of commission, and I’m sure there’s some disclaimer somewhere that makes the false and misleading advertising legit.”

Mark frowned. “Well, that is just not right. They should not be able to make claims that aren’t one hundred percent true. We should not have to read the fine print or try to listen to every single word they speed through at the end of commercials when you actually need a linguist to know what they’ve said. Maybe it’s time for a different type of disclaimer at the end of a commercial.”

“What did you have in mind?”

“Maybe,” Mark began, “at the end of each commercial, the president or CEO of the company should be asked to raise his right hand over the product and say…

THIS IS THE TRUTH, THE WHOLE TRUTH, AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH

“Mark, I like it!”